


Hump Day

by LissaMU



Series: Naughty Bits [6]
Category: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, American Elizabeth, English Darcy, F/M, Naughty office hijinks, hump day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 16:59:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17005578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LissaMU/pseuds/LissaMU
Summary: Mr Darcy is the new boss in the office, and Elizabeth is a very distracting subordinate. Wednesday is suddenly very interesting.





	Hump Day

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little naughty bit. You might recognise a few lines from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. ;-)

Elizabeth Bennet walked into work as usual that Wednesday morning, greeting all her colleagues on the way to her desk as she did every Wednesday:

'Hi Judy! Happy Hump Day!'

'Good morning Sue, happy Hump Day!'

'Phil, how are the kids? Happy Hump Day.'

While pouring her coffee, Elizabeth’s new boss joined her in the break room for his own shot of morning caffeine. Fitzwilliam Darcy III was the company’s new eye candy; newly arrived from the London office, he had switched positions with the previous office lust object (and rake), George Wickham. Elizabeth discreetly eyed him as he bent over into the little refrigerator to get cream. _He certainly fills out his suit quite deliciously_ , Elizabeth thought, _even if he is a bit of a jerk_. In truth, Darcy’s manners hadn’t won him many fans in the few days that he’d been working in the office full time: his early success had made him arrogant, and he had barely spoken two words to any of his employees. Elizabeth didn’t think much of him, but he sure had a nice butt.

Darcy, meanwhile, was forcing himself to think of Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day. This Bennet woman had a most uncomfortable effect on him, with her short skirt and seamed stockings showing off the most gorgeous pair of legs he’d ever seen. She inspired thoughts he’d rather not have at work, and the physical reaction to accompany them. Now he could see her checking him out, and knowledge of her mutual attraction was not helping his condition. When he finally had control of himself, he ventured to turn around and greet her.

'Good morning Ms Bennet. How do you do?' She shot him a dazzling smile.

'Hello Mr Darcy. How has your first week been?'

'Satisfactory I suppose, if not a bit stressful.' Elizabeth nodded understanding and patted his shoulder.

'Then I bet you’re glad it’s Hump Day.' Darcy turned to the sink and spit out his coffee in shock.

'What did you say?' he choked out.

'Uh, I bet you’re glad it’s Hump Day?' He stared at her as if she had two heads. Before moving to America, he knew one meaning of hump: a bump, like the things on a camel’s back or the kind in the street to slow down the cars. When George Wickham had come to London for training, however, he had taught Darcy another, less savoury meaning of the word, used primarily to describe what he did in the loo with the drunk girls he picked up at the pubs. Was Ms Bennet implying that there was an entire day dedicated to this vulgar variation on physical love? Worse yet, was she _propositioning_ him?

'Ms Bennet, I don’t know what you hope to achieve with this behavior, but I assure you that I am _not_ that sort of boss.'

It was Elizabeth’s turn to be surprised now.

'I’m not sure what you mean, sir.'

'I am well aware of the meaning of that word, Ms Bennet, and I am shocked at your casual use of it. Is this how you got promoted under Mr Wickham?'

Finally grasping his insinuation, Elizabeth’s eyes widened with fury. 'What are you implying?' she spluttered.

'Now I won’t deny that you are a very attractive woman, and under other circumstances I would certainly consider such advances, but as your supervisor it would be highly unethical, regardless of my stress level.'

'For your information, you arrogant, slang-impaired English pig, Hump Day means Wednesday… you know, the middle of the week ‘hump’ that one has to get over before beginning to look forward to the weekend?' Darcy paled. 'Also for your information, I _earned_ all of my promotions, AND I wouldn’t sleep with you if you were the last man on Earth!'

'I doubt you were thinking that when you were staring at my arse a minute ago!' he spat back.

Elizabeth recoiled a bit, embarrassed at having been caught in her voyeurism. 'Finding you _marginally_ attractive physically has nothing to do with it. The fact is, you’re a jerk, and there is no promotion you could offer that would get my skirt up!' Her eyes flashed fire, her cheeks glowed with rage, and her lips pursed wrathfully. As could only be expected, Darcy pulled her into his arms and roughly kissed her. 'How dare you kiss me?' she growled before claiming his lips again.

'I already told you,' he protested, reaching back to lock the door, 'I don’t like forward women.' Elizabeth clawed at his tie and whipped it back behind her.

'And I hate arrogant men.' Darcy picked her up by the waist and sat her up on the counter, hiking her skirt to cover her bottom with his hands. He was further aroused to find that she wore a tiny thong.

'I’m not arrogant, you harpy,' he countered, going through the buttons of her blouse while she undid his belt.

'You think that if it gives you comfort,' she moaned as his hands reached into her bra, 'but you should know that everyone in this office thinks you’re a proud snob… especially me.'

'Where there is true superiority of mind, pride will always be under good regulation,' he sighed while his boxer shorts slid to the floor.

'Yeah right. The only reason you’re tolerated around here is because you have a sexy accent and a nice body,' she confessed, wrapping her legs around his waist to pull him nearer. Feeling his erection pulsing hard against her, she was forced to add, 'And I just thought of another major asset you possess.'

'You Americans always react to my accent as if England were some exotic faraway land,' came his muffled jibe from around one of her nipples. 'Typical American ignorance of the rest of the world.'

'You really are an elitist bastard,' she gasped as his tongue trailed down her abdomen and lower still. 'I studied in France and England for two years. I am perfectly aware of the rest of the world.' Darcy’s mouth was too busy to reply right away, which was alright with Elizabeth, who was too busy having an orgasm to understand what he might have said.

'That, madam, is certainly an exception to the rule,' he argued, pulling off her thong completely and casting it off by the rest of their clothing. 'Most of your countrymen are backward, ethnocentric, uncultured buggers.' With a single thrust, he buried himself inside her warmth.

'At least,' Elizabeth panted as she rode him, 'my countrymen can actually fight a war without having to call yours for help.'

'Ha! Perhaps you forget the facts of your little colonial revolution,' he huffed, thrusting faster and harder, 'but you needed the French to get you out of the mess you had created.'

'Screw you, Darcy.'

'Gladly, Bennet.' No more words were possible; they were oblivious to everything but their passion.

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

_One week later…_

'Hello Ms Peters. Happy Hump Day!'

'Good morning Ms Olsen, happy Hump Day!'

'Mr Middleton, how are the kids? Happy Hump Day.'

'Ms Bennet, may I see you in my office please?' Elizabeth rose from her desk and followed Darcy when he walked past her. As soon as she was in the room, Darcy closed the door and pressed her tightly against it. 'Happy Hump Day Ms Bennet.' Elizabeth feigned shock.

'Mr Darcy, I don’t know what you hope to achieve with this behavior, but I assure you that I am _not_ that sort of employee.'

'What are you implying madam?' he replied as he nipped at her throat.

'I won’t deny that you are a very attractive man, and under other circumstances I would certainly consider such advances, but it would be highly unethical considering that I work under you.'

Darcy waggled his eyebrows rakishly. 'Well, I was thinking you could be on top, but if you insist.'

Elizabeth smacked his bottom playfully. 'Mr Darcy! My, you have certainly changed in a week’s time.'

'Well, you know, it was just a matter of getting over that first hump…'

 

 


End file.
